What happens after the insight?

There can be something powerful about finally being able to say:

“Ah. Now I understand why I do that.”

But understanding a pattern and changing it are not quite the same thing.

We can know that we become defensive when challenged, withdraw when exposed or rush to establish our expertise when we feel uncertain — and still find ourselves doing exactly the same thing when Monday morning arrives.

Sometimes the patterns we understand consciously are accompanied by expectations we have learned through experience — often without ever putting them into words.

• If I admit I don’t know, people will think I’m less capable.

• If I don’t assert my view, I won’t be heard.

• If I disappoint somebody, they’ll think less of me.

We may recognise intellectually that these expectations are not necessarily true and still find ourselves behaving as though they are.

So what happens if, rather than simply understanding the pattern, we try something different and pay attention to what happens?

• Perhaps I hold back my opinion and stay curious for a little longer — and discover that I’m still heard.

• Perhaps I admit that I don’t know — and discover that nobody thinks I’m less capable.

• Perhaps I have the difficult conversation earlier — and discover that the relationship survives perfectly well.

Something we expected to happen doesn’t.

And that matters, because we haven’t simply acquired another insight.

We’ve gathered some experience that suggests another possibility exists.

That’s one reason an insight can become more useful when it becomes an experiment.

Notice the pattern.

Try something different.

And then pay attention — not simply to whether it “worked”, but to what was different for you, for the other person and in what happened between you.

Sometimes the most useful learning comes from discovering that the thing we were protecting ourselves from wasn’t inevitable after all.

Ben